So, this is just something that happened to me yesterday that I thought some of you might get a kick out of. An example of why being a moron around someone as sarcastic and irritable as I am is NEVER a good idea.
So, I was sitting at my desk yesterday morning at work, and I get this random text message that says just "Hi". It was from a number I'd never seen before, so obviously, my first reaction was to text the person back, and ask who it is.
She simply replies, "Rayona".
I think for a moment. Do I know anyone named Rayona? I don't believe so... so obviously I reply with a reasonable "Do I know you? This is Dan."
Either Rayona didn't bother reading my reply, or she was just an idiot. Her reply? "It's Rayona, grandma!"
Oh. Showing signs of idiocy around me? NEVER a good idea. I was going to have fun with this. I write back "I have a granddaughter??? WHY DOESN'T ANYONE TELL ME THESE THINGS?!?"
She still hadn't caught on. "Grandma it is Rayona (edited for post, but the girl wrote HER FULL NAME.)"
Sigh. I gave up. I tried, I really did. Some people are just born stupid. I tried to think, what should I say to really get through to this girl? So I decided to just start hyping the Guardians movie to her.
"I really want to see the Guardians of the Galaxy movie in August. That darn Rocket Raccoon looks fantastic, don't you think?"
After a few minutes, she replies "Yeah". Ok, maybe not a TOTAL moron, right? I mean, she thinks Rocket seems cool...
So I decided to see how far I could take this. I type back, "Right??? And the tree guy! VIN DIESEL PLAYS A TALKING TREE!!!"
This time, she replies "Really?" Sigh. Clearly my dear granddaughter Rayona has NOT been keeping up with GuardTheGalaxy.com.
So, noting that apparently she needed to understand how awesome this movie is going to be, I tell her, "Heck yeah! It's gonna be off da HOOK! Fo' shizzle!"
Obviously not impressed with the idea of Vin Diesel as Groot, she then replies "who is this?" because, you know, me telling her that my name was Dan clearly hadn't tipped this brilliant young woman off that I wasn't her grandmother.
So I decide to turn to the truth as my partner. I reply "I TOLD YOU! DAN! But Cosmo is probably going to be in the movie too! COSMO! How can you not be excited about a Russian space-dog???"
Sadly, she must not be a fan of our dear Cosmo, as about a half hour later, I get a reply saying "I DON'T KNOW YOU. STOP TEXTING ME". But I'm hoping my lovely granddaughter will text me again so I can tell her all about Bradley Cooper's voice-over work and Karen Gillan's amazing transformation...